Wednesday, 13 July 2016

Bill Please - Wait a minute


Content Alert: The following content is recommended for readers who happen to be fans of  'The Lion King' movie series, featuring the inimitable pair of mismatched friends, Timon, the meerkat and Pumbaa, the warthog.


Timone was bored. The sun was beating down on his back mercilessly and he was famished. Now what wouldn't he give for a juicy tubful of his favorite treats! Sigh, gone were those Hakuna Matata days when he could scoop and stuff armfuls of those treats right off tree-trunks or slimy poodles. With the new legislations, those tasty treats were now classified under Jungle property, that meant you actually had to pay for those critters.....who does that? He had to have his treats right now and he would do just that, with a little help.

"Hey Pumba!" he said giving him a sharp jibe on his ample midriff, "Guess what?" 
"Aww, Timon lemme be," slurred Pumba. 

"Pumba, you won't believe what I am gonna tell you....we are going to 'Snakes and more' for their no-bars-all-you-can-stuff buffet platter! Isn't that awesome?" 

"What, what, what....come again Timone," asked a bewildered Pumba coming alive at those words. "Really, you're going to take me there?" 

"Why of course my dear friend, I am going to take you there and the connoisseur that I am, I shall introduce you to the finest selection of top-of-the-line gourmet bugs, worms, beetles.....freshly harvested, delicately plated and served by the best chefs in the Jungle. You my dear friend, are in for the treat of your life!" 

By now, both friends were practically drooling and they cantered or is it scampered as fast as they could to reach the gastronomic mecca of Pride Landes.

They soon reached 'Snakes and more' and made themselves comfortable on the squat boulders. For a whole minute they simply gazed at the mountains of food, heaped in piles, alive, squirmy, plump and juicy waiting to be devoured by them! Ahhh.....this was like revisiting the Hakuna Matata days!

"Ohh, welcome, welcome to my humble restro! I am very happy that the cheeky meerkat and the gassy warthog have graced it!" said Rafikii. "I am proud to present to you, the no bars, all you can pig...I mean hog....err, stuff...Rafikii's special buffet spread of the choicest, hand-picked, delectable morsels of ecstasy. Go ahead, pig on...I mean tuck in, and a word aside to you Mr Pumba," he said pulling him along. 
Tapping him on the head with his staff he added wisely, "We don't see things as they are....remember!"



"Oh, come on Pumba, don't listen to that old monkey, we have work to do!" shrieked Timone hurrying on to grab the largest leaf platter he could find.
Two hours later, the two pals slumped, stuffed to the brim with no space even for a mite more. Rafikii came around, clearing his throat, "Are we done here, boys?" 
"What done? Not already! That was just us warming up, right Pumba?" exclaimed Timon, proceeding to load his platter again. 
"Pumba, I tell you this black beetle is the scrunchiest ever, but I tend to be biased toward this wee little multicolored one too! You know what? I think I will get down to worm-farming soon....yes, capital idea isn't it? That way I can have my worm and eat it too! We can rope in Simbaa as a partner too. He can be the brand ambassador for my product: Imagine this, a can of the finest worms with Simbaa on the logo proclaiming, 'Timone's Best: Did you get your daily scoop?' 
Meanwhile Pumba was getting a bit restless, "Err, Timone, don't you think it's time you paid up, Rafikii's waving his staff quite meanly."
"Yes, yes, in a bit. Just wait will you? So where was I? Hmm, yes, Timone's Best! What a great name, can you think of anything better? No? Of course you can't! So like I was saying, we could pitch it better with Simbaa on the can. Not that I would look bad on the can....say what! But just for ol' times sake, I think I'll give him a chance."
"Say....Timone, what about me? The can could say, 'Timone and Pumba's Best'?" 
"No, no, no that won't do...too much information equals brand dilution, we want to keep it simple and smart, stick to the rules. And I suggest we do a promotional feature....yes I got it! I'll give you a role in it, in fact a big role in it! Order one crate and we give them free delivery, and guess what? You'll be personally delivering it with a smart cap bearing the caption: Timone's Best! Genius aren't I? Are you happy now Pumba?"
Rafikii rapped his staff on their boulder seats,"Are we done?"
"Go away, old monkey, we are discussing important marketing strategies. Pumba needs my advice. Pumba pay attention...as I was saying, the core to selling the product is in marketing it, blah, blah, blah and of course it involves some more blah, blah and blah" on for the next two hours!
Finally, Pumba could bear it no longer, what with his overfull tummy, glaring Rafikii and Timon's non-stop drone! He went up to Rafikii and handed him the tiny ruby he'd found during his daily forage in the bogs.
"Okay Pumba, are we done yet?" called Timone, "Don't you take the longest time, shuffling about so slowly on your feet? Come on, get a move on! Did you enjoy the treat? Didn't I tell you, you'd have the best time of your life? Now, move, scoot, let's push off! I wonder if we can catch the matinee show, my treat again, I guess it's your lucky day boy!"


Guess what category Timon belongs to? Yes, you are bang on! It's Category 3 - The Waiters


Do join me again for the next episode in the Bill please series!



DISCLAIMER: 
This is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places and incidents either are products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual events or locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental.


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A quick recap to help you understand what Category 3 - Waiters means:



I have managed to segregate people into six categories based on their distinctive reactions upon sighting the bill. I also hasten to add that one cannot be indefinitely slotted into a particular category, after all human reactions vary according to situations, don’t they?



We have the third category - the Waiters! Well, obviously I don't mean the ones serving the food but the guys who like to take their time coughing up the dough, even if they are the ones that initiated the luncheon!

The bill arrives and lies unattended. The server anxiously hovers around anticipating the settlement. But nothing fazes the Waiters! Masters of meaningless chatter, slow and steady wins the race for them. They are thicker-skinned than the MIA's; they do not leave the battle-front, they hang on to their seats and still pull it off! Eventually brawling babies, pestilential kids, grouchy dates and sheer civility kick in to ensure that the tab is picked up by anyone else besides the Waiters! Yes, the game's Waiting, simply Waiting!

 





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